A Barcode on My Bottom

So I awake to find this barcode on my bottom. 

Having just got up and stumbling still half asleep to the ensuite, I discover a sticky label on my right cheek. I pull it off and find a barcode. 

Where did that come from? Off my jar of night cream perhaps used just before sleep in the vain hope that my skin will look 'new and improved' in the morning?

Or could it be a sign that 'something wonderful is just around the corner  . . . "?

I make the mistake later of revealing to friends I have found a barcode on my bottom. 

"I did not know you were for sale," says one. "I am to the highest bidder," I reply. He offers me a quid.

Another says: "Where should I swipe my credit card?"

A third says: "Can you give us a tune? A cracking little cheeky number?" We have been friends since junior school, and still share a childish joy in toilet humour and fart jokes. 

My travelling companion who joined me on a trip to the Canaries last year, quips: "Oh, I am glad you have found it at last. It's been there since Tenerife!"

A lovely cousin is kinder, telling me not to worry as I have some fine A Grade rump for sale. She is waiting for a cataract operation. 

As access to usual haunts for the enjoyment of alcohol is impossible in these lockdown times, another friend suggests it could be exclusive entry into my favourite wine bar.

This gets me to thinking perhaps the numbers could be lucky? It's been a few years since I have ever bought a lottery ticket, but off I go to the supermarket. The assistant has to show me how to fill out the form for a ticket. 

I purchase not just one Lotto ticket, but a 'Set for Life' and a Euro Millions ticket. On checking excitedly the results, a message pops up on my mobile 'no matches'. But the Lotto reveals I have won . . . a free lucky dip. Underwhelmed but ever hopeful, I go back to the supermarket and buy another ticket with the free lucky dip . . . and win  . . . £30! 

I buy more tickets using the same barcode on my bottom numbers plus another lucky dip, together with wine and chocolate. 

Will additional sticky barcodes on my bottom strike lucky? Will my bottom grow even wider? You've got to be in it to win it!