A Barcode on My Bottom

So I awake to find this barcode on my bottom.  Having just got up and stumbling still half asleep to the ensuite, I discover a sticky label on my right cheek. I pull it off and find a barcode.  Where did that come from? Off my jar of night cream perhaps used just before sleep in the vain hope that my skin will look 'new and improved' in the morning? Or could it be a sign that 'something wonderful is just around the corner  . . . "? I make the mistake later of revealing to friends I have found a barcode on my bottom.  "I did not know you were for sale," says one. "I am to the highest bidder," I reply. He offers me a quid. Another says: "Where should I swipe my credit card?" A third says: "Can you give us a tune? A cracking little cheeky number?" We have been friends since junior school, and still share a childish joy in toilet humour and fart jokes.  My travelling companion who joined me on a trip to the Canaries last year, quips:...